10-10-08
Hey guys sorry to not have a column up last week, I was at the EliteXC
show on assignment.
1. Tom, Is it wrong to vote for McCain just because I think his Vice
President is hot?
-Not at all. I am voting for Obama because I think his vice president is hot.
2. Tom, I would like to know who are your top five favorite fighters
currently? Not from the show, but from legit organizations.
-Legit organizations?
1. John Cena
2. Whoever the RioHeroes champion is right now
3. Andre the Giant
4. Kimbo Slice
5. Ryan Bader
3. I'm going on vacation in a few months with my girlfriend. We were
thinking about going to Miami or New York. Which should I choose?
-In a few months, Miami is a no brainer. It will be cold and snowing
in New York, and hot and sunny in the MIA. Plus you will be closer to
me if you go to Miami, since I live in Florida. Honestly, I think NY
sucks and is a dirty, dirty city.
4. If you were to fight Cro-Cop would you adopt the Kongo strategy?
P.S. Love the blog and the Q&A, hilarious stuff!
-If by Kongo strategy you mean be a huge, scary, black man then yes I
would. Even better would be the Overeem strategy, which is all of the
above but also throwing knees to the balls.
5. Hi Tom
I want to be a UFC fighter. I already train UFC. What else can I do to
realize this dream and be the next Forrest Griffith or Phil Baroni?
-Come train with me at The Jungle MMA. More info at thejunglemma.com!
I also believe you are referring to Forrest Joyner Griffith? Get a sex
change and start running sprints.
6. What do you think about the Government Bail Out on Wall Street?
Brad
-I don't. My head is too consumed with visions of sugarplums and
fairies to think about things that don't matter, like our failing
economy.
7.I know that we haven't got to see more of your fights yet on the
ultimate fighter, but I was wondering what is the worse you have ever
beaten someone/disfigured their face.
thanks, Will
-Email me directly and I will put you in touch with my girlfriend. She
knows firsthand.
8. Tom, with the whole world watching you fight why did you decide to
dye your hair pink?
-To bring attention to breast cancer research
9. Dear Tom, First, I'm an avid reader of your TUF 8 blog and you have
by far the most entertaining entry out of all the fighters this
season. That being said, my question is not TUF related and I hope you
can help me with my problem. I have been engaged to a great woman for
about a year now. She is attractive, she cooks all my meals, does all
the laundry, and knows when to shut up when I'm watching sports.
Unfortunately, she is not a very sexual person and when we actually
get down to business (which is not nearly often enough), she has as
much motion as a dead fish. Now I have always been kind of a pussy
fiend so I think you see my problem. I really do love her but it is
very scary to think I'll never have decent sex again. What do you
suggest?
-Hmmm this is a tough one. On one hand, she does everything in life
correctly. Cooks, cleans, and closes her trap. On the other, she does
everything wrong. I think you need to spice up your love life by
introducing food items to the bedroom. since she closely resembles a
dead fish, that is exactly what you should bring into the bed. Slap
her around with a trout, penetrate her with a salmon, do whatever you
want. But make sure that when she first asks what that smell is, tell
her that it is how badly she stinks in bed.
10. Tom, I want to know what makes you so awesome?
Chris in Canada
-I drink a lot of alcohol and caffeine. Those two are a recipe for
being amazing.
11. Is it true you were cornering Seth for the Kimbo fight? Yes
What are your thoughts on that fight? The fight went exactly how we
expected. Seth ran away like a scared schoolgirl, and threw a vicious
slap that landed flush on Kimbo's beard. I think it was the most
excited I have ever been in my life. Watch the video and you can see
me freaking out on the corner of the cage.
12. Did you do Seth's hair for the Kimbo fight?
John Fitzgerald
-No, we have a hair dresser who does our stuff.
13. Hi Tom, I love your column. Very good stuff Man. What's the most
effective pickup line you've ever used on a woman?
- GHB.
14. How long would it take you to knock out Kimbo?
- 13 seconds
9-26-08
Welcome to the 2nd weekly installment of Ask Tom Lawlor. Consider me
your "Dear Debbie" or whatever other 60 year old soccer mom writes for
the local newspaper.
1. After all the preliminary fights who did you think where the
favorites to win the show (besides you)
After the prelim fights I thought that Bader and Kryzstzof were the
favorites at light-heavyweight. Bader because he had the best tattoo
work and Kryzstof (or however you spell it) because he had the baldest
head. At lightweight? I didn't care. The only thing I was concerned
with was which one of them I was going to get to cook and clean for
me. Maybe Dave Kaplan because he had already won another gameshow "The
Singing Bee", which he likely caused to go off the air.
2. Did he pay someone to cut his hair like that?
It wasn't a haircut. Legitimately, it was a starfish having sex with my head.
3. hey tom do fihters really get all the women? if so whats the best
way to get into mma.
I'm not sure what a fihter is? If you are referring to "fighters",
then no we don't get all the women. Just the hot ones.
4. Maybe you can help me with this...I've been dating my girlfriend
for about a year....Things haven't been going good for a while but she
is a nice girl and I work with her brother...One of her cousins comes
into a bar I go to on the weekends and talks to me about how she hates
being single and wants to find a guy like me and crap like that ...
I've been thinking about ditching her and hooking up with her cousin
but I don't want to hurt her feelings and piss off my coworker (I have
to work in the same office as him for 8 hours a day)... Is there
anyway to ditch her without being a dick?
I have learned through the years that the best way to ditch a girl IS
to be a dick. In this situation what I would recommend doing is to
turn it around on her, and make her feel like the relationship is
going sour because of her. I would mention to her that you really like
her family and want to become closer with them. I would then
proposition her for an orgy featuring you, your girlfriend, her
brother, and her cousin. If the girl says no, like she will...then you
guilt trip her about not wanting to spend time with you or her family,
and make her feel worthless. If she says yes then she is a keeper....
just make sure to keep your butt cheeks flinched and go for it!
Feel free to ask Tom anything. Please send your emails to AskTomLawlor@AroundTheOctagon.com
